Recipe For Disaster

What do you get when you take this...

And mix it with this...

And (unfortunately) this...

And let it simmer for 20 minutes?

You get a child that looks similar to this...

And an entire kitchen floor covered in this...

Welcome to my morning!

(I was so livid that I didn't even THINK about taking pictures...hence the random google images.)

Let me explain, I went up to my room to feed Vivvie (like I do umpteen times a day). It took her 20 minutes. When she was done, she was not a happy girl. She was squirming & arching her back...Sure sign that she was dealing with some intestinal issues, like she frequently does. I took her downstairs to give her some gas drops. When I got downstairs & walked into the kitchen, I could not believe the sight I beheld. I found Cohen sitting in the pantry on a barstool (that he had apparently pushed in there), proudly eating brownie mix straight out of the box! His face looked like it was caked in mud and his shirt & pants looked like they were covered in dirt. On the floor, there was probably 3/4 of the aforementioned box of brownie mix scattered across half the kitchen. The only words that came to mind (and unfortunately came out of my mouth) were "What the hell?!?"

How had my 2 1/2-year-old managed to make this kind of mess? I mean, I'm used to him making messes. I feel like I clean up messes from him all day long, but how in the world did he manage to not only get the box open, but to get the plastic bag open as well?!? Then I saw it...right there in his hand...a STEAK KNIFE!!!! Again, I'm pretty sure the words "What the hell?" came out of mouth.

Cohen was proud as could be! He couldn't understand why Mommy was mad at him for grabbing a little mid-morning snack. I carried him to the sink, stripped him down to his diaper, cleaned him up, put him in time out, and tried to explain to him (in a not-so-pleasant tone) why we shouldn't play with knives & why we shouldn't open random boxes of powder and start eating them. I don't think he got it at all. All the while, Viv is screaming in my arms as her tummy growls with discomfort.

I looked at the mess that was in front of me. I grabbed the vacuum and went to town, with a crying baby in my arms, mind you. As I'm vacuuming up the pantry floor, I find some sort of white powder as well. Where in the world did this come from, I ask myself. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I see the bag of powdered sugar. Yep, it's been sliced open & is spilled all over the pantry shelf. I also notice little finger marks in the spilled powder where Cohen has taste-tested it. Luckily, I don't keep anthrax in my pantry on a regular basis (Sarcasm font needed here). Next to the powdered sugar, I find the bag of brown sugar. Yes, it's been sliced too.

As I'm cleaning (and yelling at Cohen every time I find a new bag that's been mutilated), the little guy walks over to the vacuum and sticks a Lego down into a hole where the attachment that I'm using usually sits. Yep, it's stuck in there & I can't get it out. More yelling at Cohen.

35 minutes later, my kitchen is back to normal (Yes, it took me 35 minutes to clean up a mess that only took Cohen 20 minutes to create), Vivvie is asleep in my arms & a penitent Cohen says to me, with those big, horribly irresistible eyes, "Sorry Mom." All I could do was laugh, be grateful that my two-year-old had used a knife & somehow managed to come out unscathed, apologize to Cohen for getting so upset, and wish I had taken a picture or two.

I'm pretty sure I just figured out why it's been so hard for me to adjust to having four kids...his name is Cohen. --Lindsay