Oops...I Did It Again!

Well, believe it or not, I read ANOTHER book! And, it only took me about 4 months! Haha... Anyway, my latest book was recommended to me by two of my friends, Summer & Tami. Both of them said it changed their lives & made their homes a much more pleasant place to be. Well, if anyone needed some peace & quiet...it was me. "I'll be quiet...I'll be peace." (Just a little humor for you "What About Bob" fans!)

Being a single parent three days a week, while Mike is at school, is not an easy task. Day one usually goes pretty well. Day two starts to wear on me (especially by evening)...but I can usually keep my cool. But, day three is AWFUL! By that point, I'm really on edge & the littlest things set me off. I found myself screaming at my kids about the stupidest things. If they complained about what was for dinner, I'd get mad. If they wouldn't go to sleep right away, I'd get mad. If they made a mess with their toys, I'd get mad. I hit rock bottom a few months ago. Here's the story (and remember, I share my pain so you can grow)... :)

Connor had two little boys over to play. They were in the playroom downstairs. Everything seemed to be fine, but then I started hearing bizarre sounds like...CRASH...BOOM...BANG. I ran downstairs to find the three of them THROWING toys at the wall, seeing them brake into pieces, and then laughing about it. It was the straw that broke the camel's back. I sent the two boys home, put Connor in timeout, called the other mom's to tell them what happened & why their kids were coming home so early, then went over to Connor and started letting him have it. I yelled, I screamed, I threatened that he would stay in timeout all night, I grounded him from friends and video games for two days, I went on and on. Then all the sudden, I heard the most dreaded sound in the world to a mother that has been screaming at her child...DING DONG.

"Oh no," I thought, "Who just heard that?" I went to the door. It was one of the other mom's, Tami. She had brought her son over to apologize for breaking the toys.

I said, "You just heard every word of that...didn't you?"

Tami replied, "Yep...it was GREAT! Now I know I'm not the only one who does it."

Her humor subsided the embarrassment for a minute, but it came back as soon as she said, "I actually knocked before I rang the doorbell, but I don't think you heard it through your screaming."

HOW EMBARRASSING! I was screaming so loud that I didn't even hear her knock at the door! That's when I KNEW that I had to find a better way to parent my kids, so when I heard about this book...I knew I had to read it. And, like the other girls, I think it has changed my life too. I'm not saying I'm perfect...I do still scream sometimes, but not nearly as much as I did before. There are several techniques in this book that help you deal with the tantrums, the whining, the arguing, etc. in a much calmer way. I've included a couple of my favorite techniques below so you can see what it's like.

Share the Control: Give your child choices that are acceptable to you.

How many times have you nagged your kids..."Go to bed", "Clean your room", "Put on your coat", "Eat your breakfast"? The more you nag, the more they don't want to do what you've asked. So, instead of nagging...give your kids a choice for which both outcomes are acceptable to you. For example, lets say you want your kids to get in the bathtub every night at 7:30 pm. Well, at 7:15 pm say, "It's time to get ready for bed. Would you like to get in the bathtub now, or in 15 minutes?" Of course your kids will pick "in 15 minutes". They feel like they are getting a few extra minutes to play, but really they are doing what you want. A little manipulative..I know, but it works! Young kids love to make choices. It makes them feel big, and if they feel like they have a say in what happens in their life, they are more likely to do the task willingly. If your child refuses to make their choice within 10 seconds, make it for them. They will learn after a few events that they are better off making the choice themselves. I was a little sceptical of this at first, but it has really worked with Connor. He is so much more agreeable about things when I give him a choice. He feels like he's winning...but really he's just doing what I want! It's great! TRY IT!

Have an "Energy Drain"

This technique is really cheesy, but it works like a CHARM with Connor. You can use this technique any time your kids create any sort of hassle for you...lying, fighting, interrupting, misbehaving, whining, etc. Plus, it's a GREAT way to get some help around the house...

Let's say that your child is throwing a temper tantrum. Say something like, "Oh no! This tantrum is draining all my energy! How are you going to put it back?"

The first time I said this to Connor, he AUTOMATICALLY stopped whining, looked at me really funny & said, "What?" I repeated myself and again asked him what he was going to do to put the energy back in my body.

"I don't know," he said.

Then I asked, "Would you like some ideas?"

"Sure..." he said, still obviously very puzzled.

"Okay," I said. Then I gave him a choice (see, again with the choices) of three chores that needed to be done around the house. "You can clean up the toys in the family room, you can clean the toys in your room, or you can help me clear the dishes off the table." He chose to clean up the toys in the family room. Afterwards, I didn't hear anything about the original problem he had been whining about...he had forgotten! That's the best part of the energy drain...you get the focus off the problem & put it into something constructive...plus kids learn that, if they chose to misbehave, there is a consequence that follows. I've done several other energy drains since then, but now all I have to say is, "Oh man...this whining (or crying, or fighting, etc.) is giving me an energy drain" and Connor automatically says, "I'll stop...I don't want to do more chores!" It's AWESOME!

These are just two of my favorite techniques from the book. It is chalked full of them. It's a great book. And, I think it really has changed the entire mood of our house. I actually sometimes look forward to my kids disobeying because it's kind of a game in some ways now. So, if you are sick of screaming at your kids, like I was, I totally recommend this book. And, just a quick side note to Summer...I will now FINALLY be returning your copy! --Lindsay